I grow ever more fascinated with the almost-meme “clam eats salt.” There are several videos being posted, reposted, etc.—all with a variation on the “clam eats salt” title. So you see the vid, and it’s really cute: the slowly opening shell, the juicy white clam tongue slipping out, sampling the salt on the table, drooling. UNTIL someone points out, dude/moron/babykiller, clams don’t have tongues! And you go, oh, duh, I knew that! But the story “clam eats salt” was so seductive that you totally forgot. Now you realize it’s the clam’s foot, and clammy is trying to get somewhere (like anywhere besides that table). That’s not the end of it though. With the narrative “clam eats salt” dead in the water, so to speak, other stories must emerge: “it’s animal cruelty! the salt, oh, it burns!” “You idiot, clams have no brains! They can’t feel pain!” ”How mean to take clammy out of the water!” “Moron, clams can live for days without water!” “You’re torturing the poor thing!” “Fools. I bet you’re a bunch of whiny women.” Food jokes. Sex jokes. I suppose it’s only a matter of time before clammy gets to stand in for all the other stories needing a visual… .
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
I am in pre-school. Warm colors. We are having spaghetti for lunch, and the teacher tells us to tuck our napkins into our collars or we’ll smell fishy. One kid resists. Let’s call him Joey. The teacher says, “I guess Joey wants to smell fishy.” I’m confused: how can spaghetti make you smell fishy? I begin to distrust teachers.